City Officials Shocked to Discover Eggs Come from Chickens

The Discovery That Cracked Their Understanding

Councilmember Linda Baxter, who chairs the city’s Subcommittee on Brunch Sustainability, was the first to voice her disbelief during a visit to Farmer Joe’s Free-Range Egg Farm.

“Wait,” Baxter reportedly said, pointing at a chicken, “you’re telling me these birds… just make eggs? Like, on their own? No machines, no assembly line?” Witnesses say her tone oscillated between awe and terror as a farmhand handed her a freshly laid egg.

City Manager Tom Wilkins, standing nearby, looked equally stunned. “Are you saying these chickens are operating without permits? How do we ensure these eggs are up to code?” he demanded while inspecting a coop.

Farmer Joe, whose patience has been tested over decades of dealing with city folk, tried to explain. “Ma’am, it’s natural. Chickens lay eggs every day. No permits required. Just food, water, and sunshine.” But his explanation was met with suspicion.

“You’re saying there’s no oversight? No egg regulatory board? No ISO certification? This is chaos!” exclaimed Councilman Barry Throckmorton, whose last interaction with a farm involved losing $500 in a corn maze speed run challenge.

The “Chicken Problem”

After returning from their traumatic farm visit, the city council convened an emergency meeting titled: “Unregulated Egg Production and the Potential Threat to Urban Stability.” The session lasted eight hours, during which the phrase “chicken problem” was used no fewer than 73 times.

City Planner Rita Connolly proposed a zoning ordinance to regulate egg-laying zones within city limits. “If chickens are producing eggs at this volume, they are essentially small factories. We must zone them as industrial,” she declared to applause from confused council members.

Alderman Mike Brannigan expressed concern over the ethical implications. “Are these chickens unionized? Who’s representing their interests? If we’re benefiting from their labor, they deserve workers’ rights!” He proposed a city-funded chicken union initiative but was quickly shut down by Councilwoman Judith Preen, who insisted chickens lacked the intellectual capacity to form unions.

“They’re not employees; they’re livestock! Next, you’ll tell me we need to negotiate with cows over milk!” Preen retorted, adding that she would not “bend to the poultry lobby.”

The “Egg Accountability Act”

Determined to address what they now called “Egggate,” the council drafted a sweeping Egg Accountability Act. The legislation proposed several controversial measures:

1. Chicken Licensing: All egg-laying chickens would be required to apply for licenses, complete with photo IDs.
2. Egg Origin Labels: Grocery stores must label eggs with the name, address, and beak size of the chicken that laid them.
3. Mandatory Chicken Rest Periods: Chickens must take a 30-minute break after laying three eggs to prevent burnout.
4. Tax on “Luxury Eggs”: Organic and free-range eggs were classified as luxury items and taxed at a higher rate.

Public reaction to the proposal was mixed. Urban residents welcomed the accountability measures, citing concerns over food safety and animal welfare. Farmers, however, were less enthusiastic.

“This is lunacy,” Farmer Joe told reporters while holding an unconcerned chicken named Gladys. “What’s next? Chicken therapists? Egg inspectors? These city folks need to get out more.”

The Mayor’s Speech: “Eggs for the People!”

The situation escalated further when Mayor Karen Flanagan held a press conference to address the crisis. Standing before a backdrop of eggs artfully arranged into a city skyline, Flanagan declared, “The people of this city deserve transparency in their breakfast choices. No one should fear where their eggs come from. We are fighting for an egg supply chain that is safe, regulated, and—most importantly—city-approved!”

The mayor’s proposal included creating an “Egg Bureau” staffed by egg specialists tasked with monitoring chicken-to-egg ratios and ensuring equitable egg distribution. “We can’t have the wealthy hoarding all the cage-free eggs while the working class is left with generic cartons!” Flanagan proclaimed, sparking cheers from activists and audible groans from farmers watching the livestream.

“Eggspiracy” Theories Hatch Online

As the debate raged, the internet exploded with conspiracy theories. Social media was flooded with hashtags like #Eggspiracy and #ChickenTruthers. One viral post claimed that “Big Chicken” was hiding the fact that eggs were 3D-printed in secret factories.

Another group, calling themselves the “Yolk Seekers,” protested outside City Hall, demanding that eggs be classified as a “controlled substance” to prevent overproduction. They carried signs reading, “Don’t Put All Your Eggs in One Basket—Or Any Basket!” and “Chickens Are Lying to Us!”

A Farmer’s Retaliation: “Back to Basics”

Frustrated by the city’s antics, farmers around the region staged a “Back to Basics” rally, bringing livestock into downtown. Dozens of chickens were paraded in front of City Hall, each wearing a tag that read, “I’m the Real Producer.”

Farmer Joe delivered an impassioned speech, clutching a carton of eggs. “These eggs were laid by hardworking chickens, not some mythical grocery store machine. If you can’t understand that, maybe it’s time for a refresher course in biology!”

The rally was interrupted when one rogue chicken escaped and waddled into a coffee shop, sparking panic among patrons who thought it was a PR stunt for a new farm-to-table pop-up.

Conclusion: A City Divided

As the dust settled, city officials remained steadfast in their belief that the egg industry needed reform. “This isn’t just about breakfast; it’s about fairness, safety, and understanding the world around us,” Councilmember Baxter insisted.

Meanwhile, farmers across the region continued to shake their heads. “City folk,” Farmer Joe muttered, watching a councilmember attempt to milk a rooster during a follow-up farm visit.

For now, the egg wars rage on, proving one thing: ignorance is bliss—until it comes for your omelet.