What is a Farm anyway?

Struggling to Define Farming: From Instagrammable Pumpkins to Debt-Inducing Tractors

Welcome to the wild world of farming, where the grass is greener, the cows are chattier than your Aunt Mildred, and the tractors are bigger than your studio apartment. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll explore the ins and outs of farm life, from the romanticized ideals to the harsh realities. So grab your overalls and your sense of humor, because we’re about to embark on a journey through the hayfields of satire.

Farm Observations Turned Definitions of Farming:

1. 

   Farms: Where tractors have more horsepower than your Prius and your Uber driver combined.

   • You might think horsepower is just a measure of engine strength, but on a farm, it’s a unit of currency. Need to plow the north forty? Better hope your tractor has enough “horsepower” to get the job done without needing a nap halfway through.
2. Ever notice how farmers always seem to have a dog that’s more loyal than his last relationship?
   • Dogs on farms aren’t just pets; they’re coworkers, therapists, and security guards rolled into one furry package. They’ll keep your sheep in line, your spirits high, and your heart full, all while making sure no squirrel goes unchased.
3. Farming: The only job where you can work sunup to sundown and still be broke.
   • Farming isn’t for the faint of heart or the thin of wallet. Despite the backbreaking labor and round-the-clock dedication, most farmers find themselves scraping by, their pockets as empty as the feed trough after a hungry hog convention.

4. 

   You know you’re on a farm when your morning alarm clock isn’t your iPhone but a rooster with no respect for a good lie-in.

   • Forget about setting alarms; on a farm, the sun rises with or without your consent. And if the sun doesn’t wake you up, Old MacDonald’s chorus of clucks, oinks, and moos certainly will. Who needs coffee when you’ve got a rooster on duty?
5. Farms are nature’s gym. Forget CrossFit; try tossing hay bales all day.
   • Who needs a fancy gym membership when you’ve got a barn full of heavy lifting opportunities? Forget about counting reps; on a farm, you’ll be counting bales, buckets, and the minutes until your arms feel like jelly.
6. The closest thing to organic at the grocery store is the produce from the farm down the road. And even that’s debatable.
   • Sure, the grocery store claims their produce is “organic,” but can they guarantee it was grown with the same love, care, and questionable fertilizer as the veggies from Farmer Joe’s roadside stand? Didn’t think so.
7. Farm-to-table dining: because nothing says “fresh” like seeing the cow you’re about to eat grazing in the pasture.
   • Want to know where your food comes from? Just take a stroll through the pasture and pick out your dinner. It’s like a grocery store, but with more mooing and fewer price tags. Who needs farm-to-table when you can have farm-to-mouth?

8. 

   Farmers have a special relationship with the weather forecast. They’re like meteorologists with dirt under their fingernails and a sixth sense for predicting rain.

   • Forget about Doppler radar and high-tech weather satellites; farmers rely on the age-old art of weather watching to plan their planting, harvesting, and everything in between. Who needs fancy technology when you’ve got a bum knee that acts up every time a storm’s a-brewing?
9. There’s always that one cow who’s convinced the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Spoiler alert: it’s not.
   • If cows had a motto, it would be “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence… until you get there and realize it’s just as brown as the grass you left behind.” But hey, who needs logic when you’ve got a nose for adventure and a taste for mediocre grass?
10. Farm weddings: where the dress code is “rustic chic” and the bouquet toss is just an excuse to see who can throw a chicken the farthest.
    • Who needs a stuffy ballroom when you can say “I do” in the great outdoors surrounded by fields, flowers, and the occasional barn cat? And forget about tossing delicate flowers; at a farm wedding, it’s all about the chicken toss. Bonus points if you can hit Uncle Bob square in the face.

Thinking About Farms:

Ah, the idyllic world of farming, where dreams are as big as the sky and the bills are as relentless as a hungry goat. It’s a life of backbreaking labor, early mornings, and late nights, all in the pursuit of that elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But hey, who needs sleep when you’ve got crops to tend, animals to feed, and a never-ending to-do list that would make even the most organized OCD sufferer break out in a cold sweat?

Let’s start with the basics: farming isn’t for the faint of heart or the thin of wallet. It’s a world where the only thing growing faster than the crops is your debt to the bank. Want to buy a new tractor? Prepare to sell a kidney and your firstborn child. Need to fix a broken fence? Better start collecting empty cans and spare change from the couch cushions, because those repairs ain’t gonna pay for themselves.

And let’s not even get started on the weather. You can check the forecast all you want, but Mother Nature has a mind of her own, and she’s not afraid to rain on your parade (literally). One minute you’re basking in the sunshine, the next you’re knee-deep in mud with a herd of disgruntled cows giving you the stink eye. But hey, who needs predictability when you’ve got adventure around every corner and a mud pit that’s just begging for a pickup truck joyride?

But it’s not all doom and gloom on the farm. There’s a certain magic in watching a seed sprout from the earth, a calf take its first wobbly steps, or a chicken lay its first egg. It’s a life of simplicity and serenity, where the only deadlines are the ones set by the seasons and the only boss is Mother Nature herself. So grab your boots, roll up your sleeves, and get ready for the ride of your life. Because on the farm, every day is an adventure, and every challenge is just another opportunity to prove that you’ve got what it takes to make it in this crazy, unpredictable world. Welcome to the farm, where the grass is always greener, the cows are always chattier, and the tractors are always bigger than your wildest dreams.

Originally posted 2019-03-07 10:46:03.