Midnight Rider – The Misfit Farmer

“Use the force,” that is what my inner Obi-Wan told me last week when I was driving home from a long work trip at night. It felt like just about every oncoming pair of headlights sent me into momentary blindness–and I more or less just aimed straight ahead and hoped the road didn’t curve. My problem is twofold: My old headlights have developed a cloudy patina, which causes them to emit roughly 10 lumens max, which is the equivalent of a wavering candle flame. Meanwhile, everyone else is driving around with modern ultrabrite LED headlights which have the ability to brighten your teeth two shades as you clench the steering wheel and your teeth simultaneously. 

While I was driving, the thought also crossed my mind that I am getting old. I thought this right after I thought about how much I now hate driving at night, which is what old people think. Young people see nocturnal journeys as great adventures, usually because their destination contains something fun and entertaining. 

I remember my first nighttime road trip. In high school, my buddy and I set out over the horizon in my car. We were two rural, small town boys heading two hours away to the state capital, Raleigh, to see Pearl Jam. I’m not sure how we convinced my parents to let us do that, but back then parents could live in blissful ignorance and more or less just let their children grow up. Nowadays, parents can’t do that because teenagers post all the stupid stuff they’re doing on social media. Thank goodness, we didn’t have social media back then. 

As you grow older, driving at night usually ceases to be for pleasure and entertainment, and you only drive at night for one of two things: you’re either driving for work or driving to the emergency room.

So far, we have had two nocturnal trips to the emergency room. The first was when Thomas had a bad bout of croup when he was a baby. Natalie drove. FYI, you never want to be in the passenger seat when your wife is driving your child to the emergency room. I learned that night that neither speed limit, nor red light, nor traffic pattern will separate Thomas from the love of his mom. Also, I learned that if my wife ever wants to quit her job as a librarian, she has a second career waiting as a Formula One driver. 

Recently, our second midnight trip to the emergency room for Thomas was for a bad toothache. This time I drove. Despite Natalie pleading with me to speed up, I’m proud to say that I drove in such a safe and orderly manner that Thomas fell back asleep, so we just turned around and returned home–and in so doing, I saved us from being waylaid by the bandits in the emergency room billing department. 

Being waylaid is one of the main reasons not to drive at night. In our rural county, I’m pretty sure the deer herds fight over roadside territory to waylay innocent passersby. Although you can spot a lot more deer with ultrabrite LED headlights, they are so erratic that you’re better off channeling Obi-Wan and using the force to navigate them.