November 12, 2024

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If Energizer ever decides to rebrand, my three-year-old son should be in the running for the new mascot. His battery never depletes. It’s like the boy has a built-in alternator. The more he runs, climbs, and flips the more energy he generates. Eventually, once he finally figures out how to do a backflip off of the top of the couch, I reckon our house will implode. The fact that it is still standing is a testament to how well-built houses were back in 1897. 

Sometimes, when I see the slipshod McMansions that the developers are throwing up all around us, I wonder how many generations of children those houses could possibly withstand. My wife, who is up on family genealogy, tells me that twenty-one children have been raised in our old farmhouse in its 127 years of existence. That’s counting, Claude, who in 1898 died at age thirteen in our house from something called “flying rheumatism.” His mother had little time to grieve because the next day she was giving birth, also in our house, to another child, Burl. As tragic as Claude’s death was, I like to think that he got in some good running and jumping and effectively broke-in the floorboards for all the future pitter-patter. 

Back before we had Thomas, I used to take comfort in the fact our house has existed so long, especially whenever bad storms approached. The house had likely weathered worse storms and was still standing. Now that I’m a parent, the fact that it is still standing after twenty-one children is a more reassuring thought. Surely, at least one of those twenty-one children was wilder than Thomas. 

I’m not exactly sure where three-year-olds get their energy. It seems like Thomas is forever hungry and yet never stops long enough to eat. Mostly, he just plunders the cabinets for a good time, which makes me wonder what children did for fun back before they added on the kitchen to our house. It was added on in the early 1900s, so maybe they just scaled the walls of the outhouse for fun. Our house has had a lot of upgrades over the years, with each generation chipping in to make the floor plan more confusing. For our part, it seems like we’ve been re-siding the outside of the house for four years because, well, we have (part of the reasons old houses are so strong is because they’re armored in twelve layers of lead paint).

All I know is any house worthy of a mortgage at current interest rates ought to be well built, meaning it ought to be able to withstand a three-year-old, ideally generations of them. 





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2023-12-02 08:32:12

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