Georgia Hemp Law A wide image showing a disappointed group of teenagers standing outside a gas station in Georgia staring at the snack shelves that are empty of CBD p1.webp.webp
The most immediate effect of the new law has been what experts are calling “The Great Edible Exodus.” Teens across Georgia are now scrambling to find ways to access their favorite CBD-infused snacks—mostly by daydreaming of greener, more hemp-friendly pastures. California has become the promised land, and a one-way ticket west now ranks high on every 17-year-old’s wish list, right after new AirPods and a passable calculus grade.
“I’d rather surf than deal with my geometry test without a gummy,” said Jason, a junior from Cobb County who, like many others, is eyeing California as his new home. “It’s either that or actually study, and honestly, I’d rather pack my bags.”
As absurd as it sounds, this new wave of adolescent wanderlust might have some unintended consequences. Travel agencies are reportedly fielding more inquiries from high schoolers than ever before. One agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity, confirmed that they’ve had several teens call in with questions like, “How hard is it to transfer schools to California?” and “Do I need my parents’ permission to move if I’m 18 next year?”
Georgia’s hemp exiles may not be leaving just yet, but one thing’s for sure: they’re dreaming about it.
Goodbye, Weekend Chill, Hello, Math Test Anxiety
Back in Georgia, reality is setting in. For students who relied on CBD gummies to get through stressful school days, the struggle is now real—especially when it comes to math class. “I used to pop a gummy and sail through algebra,” said Ashley, a sophomore at North Atlanta High School. “Now? I’m barely holding it together.”
Test prep companies across the state are bracing for the fallout, expecting SAT scores to take a nosedive in the coming months. “We used to advertise our test prep courses with the promise of ‘relaxing study strategies,’” said one tutor. “Now, without CBD gummies in the picture, it’s all anxiety, all the time. We’re considering adding meditation classes to our offerings.”
Local Gas Station Stockpiles Chex Mix
Gas station attendants, once used to the daily rush of teens buying edibles, have been caught off guard by the sudden shift in snack preferences. With no CBD gummies left to sell, they’ve resorted to stocking up on Chex Mix in the hopes that no one will notice.
But teens have noticed. “Chex Mix? Really?” scoffed one teen as he stood in line at a gas station in Macon. “I’m supposed to eat this and feel… calm? I don’t think so.”
Local convenience store owners are doing their best to adapt, but sales haven’t exactly skyrocketed. “We’re trying to push the Chex Mix as the new ‘chill snack,’” said Mark, a cashier at a Quick Stop in Augusta. “But honestly, the kids aren’t buying it—literally or figuratively.”
TikTok Trends Shift: From Edible Reviews to Meditation Tips
Georgia’s teens are nothing if not resourceful, and when they can’t find external sources of relaxation, they turn to their phones. TikTok, once a haven for CBD gummy reviews, has now pivoted to a new focus: mindfulness and meditation.
“Welcome to my new series, ‘Zen Without Gummies,’” began @CBDGoneForReal in a recent post, which racked up over 10,000 views. “Today we’re talking about deep breathing and how it’s literally the only thing keeping me from losing my mind.”
Teens across the state are taking up mindfulness practices with varying degrees of success. “I tried meditating,” said one user in a follow-up video, “but without my gummies, all I could think about was how much I miss them.”
The trend is catching on, but it’s clear that Georgia’s teens haven’t found their zen just yet.
Georgia’s Highways Safer… Until the Caffeine Kicks In
Not all of the changes brought by the hemp law have been bad. Experts have noted a 50% drop in “mellow driving” incidents across the state. “It used to be that you’d see a lot of slow, cautious drivers out on the highway, probably a little too relaxed from their gummies,” said Officer Bob from the Georgia State Patrol. “Now, people are speeding, cutting each other off. It’s like everyone’s in a rush.”
Unfortunately, this newfound energy isn’t necessarily a good thing. Teens, deprived of their usual mellow state, are turning to caffeine to fill the void left by hemp. Monster energy drinks, Red Bull, and even triple-shot espressos are flying off the shelves as jittery, high-energy teens take to the roads. The result? A lot more accidents and a lot more honking.
“I miss the days when everyone was too chill to care about tailgating,” Officer Bob sighed.
“Hemp-Free Since ’23” T-Shirts Are Selling Like Hotcakes
In response to the hemp ban, a new trend has emerged: ironic “Hemp-Free Since ’23” t-shirts. Teens are donning the shirts in protest, but the message is clear—it’s a cry for help, not a badge of honor.
“It’s like wearing a scarlet letter,” said Kelly, a senior from Savannah. “It says, ‘I’m stressed out, but I’m trying to laugh about it.’”
The shirts, which feature slogans like “Sober AF (After Gummies)” and “No Chill, All Thrill,” are flying off the shelves. But for many teens, the t-shirts are just another reminder of what they’ve lost. “I bought one,” said Kelly, “but I miss my gummies every time I look at it.”
Popcorn: The New Movie Snack
It’s not just yoga studios and schools feeling the effects of Georgia’s hemp ban—movie theaters are seeing it too. Teens, who used to sneak in a couple of CBD gummies to mellow out during the latest horror flick, are now turning to popcorn as a sad replacement.
“I used to sit through horror movies totally relaxed,” said Adam, a junior from Decatur. “Now, I’m jittery and paranoid. Popcorn just doesn’t do it for me.”
Theater managers have noted an uptick in popcorn sales but report that it’s not necessarily a good thing. “Kids are spilling popcorn all over the place,” said Gina, a manager at an AMC in Atlanta. “I used to clean up a couple of wrappers, but now? It’s like a popcorn explosion after every movie.”
Parents’ Secret Stash Now Under Threat
With CBD products now off-limits for under-21s, Georgia teens have turned to a new source: their parents’ secret stash. In what experts are calling the “CBD cabinet crisis,” parents across the state are finding their carefully hidden hemp oils and gummies disappearing.
“I used to keep a bottle of hemp oil in my nightstand,” said Karen, a mother from Savannah. “But since the ban, my son found it. Now I have to hide it in the garage, behind the lawnmower.”
Parents are increasingly finding themselves at odds with their teens, who view the family medicine cabinet as fair game. “My CBD oil was for my arthritis,” said one father. “Now my 17-year-old is using it to ‘relax’ before his history exam. I don’t even know what to say.”
School Lunches Reach Peak Boring
Georgia’s school cafeterias have also been hit by the ban. For years, hemp-infused brownies and snacks had been the go-to choice for students looking to relax during lunch. But now, those days are over.
“School lunches used to be the best part of my day,” said Jessica, a senior at Parkview High. “Now? It’s just regular brownies. What’s the point?”
Students have launched a petition to bring back the hemp-infused brownies, but school administrators have been quick to point out that state laws are out of their hands. “We understand the students’ concerns,” said Principal Miller. “But we can’t just break the law because they’re stressed out about finals.”
Yoga Studios Brace for the Worst
Without their post-yoga hemp oils, Georgia’s yogis are finding it harder and harder to achieve inner peace. “Our classes used to be so calm,” said Bethany, a yoga instructor in Athens. “Now, people are fidgeting more. Savasana just isn’t the same without CBD.”
Studios are doing their best to adapt, but it’s clear that yoga in Georgia has changed. “We’re seeing more tense bodies, more distracted minds,” said another instructor. “It’s almost like the zen has left the building.”
Some students are even turning to alternative relaxation methods, including essential oils and breathing exercises. “I’m trying my best,” said one yogi, “but without my post-class hemp oil, I just feel… heavy.”
Originally Published at FarmerCowboy.com
2024-10-02 09:26:10
Karl Hoffman is a distinguished agriculturalist with over four decades of experience in sustainable farming practices. He holds a Ph.D. in Agronomy from Cornell University and has made significant contributions as a professor at Iowa State University. Hoffman’s groundbreaking research on integrated pest management and soil health has revolutionized modern agriculture. As a respected farm journalist, his column “Field Notes with Karl Hoffman” and his blog “The Modern Farmer” provide insightful, practical advice to a global audience. Hoffman’s work with the USDA and the United Nations FAO has enhanced food security worldwide. His awards include the USDA’s Distinguished Service Award and the World Food Prize, reflecting his profound impact on agriculture and sustainability.
