Keir Starmer: “Let them eat fish and chips…”

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15 Observations on Starmer’s “Let Them Eat Fish and Chips” and Socialist Scarcity

1. Fish and Chips Without Farmers?
   Starmer seems to think fish and potatoes just appear in deep fryers like magic. Next, he’ll claim bread grows pre-sliced and buttered on socialist trees.

2. The Socialist Supermarket Experience
   Under socialism, a trip to the grocery store becomes a thrilling adventure: will it be empty shelves, ration cards, or a two-hour queue for government-issued turnips?

3. A Five-Year Plan for Fish and Chips
   In true socialist fashion, expect a Five-Year Plan for nationalized fish and chips—just don’t expect any fish or chips for at least five years.

4. The Vegan Utopia
   By the time socialist policies destroy fishing and farming, Britain won’t have a choice but to go vegan. And even then, the only available plant will be grass.

5. The State-Approved Chip Allowance
   Get ready for the “Great British Chip Rationing Act of 2026.” Each citizen will receive three chips per month, distributed fairly by the Bureau of Fried Goods.

6. Soviet-Style Seagulls
   With food shortages looming, seagulls will be classified as “a vital state resource.” Citizens will be encouraged to “forage responsibly” at the beach.

7. The Ministry of Fish and Chips
   Once fish and chips are nationalized, you’ll need five forms of ID and a government application to qualify for a Friday night takeaway.

8. The Socialist Deep Fryer
   Under socialism, deep fryers will be banned for “climate reasons,” replaced with state-approved air fryers that don’t actually work.

9. The Orwellian Chip Surveillance
   “Comrade, we noticed you bought two servings of chips this week. Please report to the Department of Equality for your fair share redistribution meeting.”

10. The Last Cod in Britain
    In 2030, the government will unveil the last remaining cod, housed in a bulletproof tank and worshipped as the People’s Fish.

11. The New Class Divide
    In the socialist utopia, elites will still eat real fish and chips while the common folk get “plant-based simulated potato substitute.”

12. Starmer’s Revolutionary Cookbook
    New socialist cooking classes will teach people how to fry their government-allocated soy protein into a shape that kind of resembles a fish fillet.

13. A Fried Future
    Socialists love equality—so much that soon, no one will have fish and chips, except for the government officials regulating it.

14. The Socialist Supply Chain
    “How do we get fish?”
    “Well, we outlawed fishing, taxed farmers out of business, and nationalized food production, so… we import it from China.”

15. Chips Without the Fish
    Eventually, socialist Britain will just call them “chips,” then “potato-flavored fried cubes,” then finally: “state-issued starch ration.”

The Decline of Family Farms: A Socialist Masterpiece in Economic Ruin

The Inheritance Tax Tango
Farmers are now performing the Inheritance Tax Tango, a complex dance where they sidestep crippling taxes only to trip over government bureaucracy. The routine includes elegant moves such as The Land Seizure Shuffle and The Bank Foreclosure Boogie. Meanwhile, politicians watch from the sidelines, applauding themselves for their brilliant economic strategy.

From Pitchforks to Protests
Once upon a time, farmers used pitchforks for hay; now, they use them to jab at Parliament’s front doors. Who knew that the real cash crop of the 21st century would be angry mobs with banners? Turns out, it’s easier to farm public outrage than it is to grow actual food under socialist policies.

The Great Farm Disappearing Act
With over 140,000 farms vanishing in five years, David Copperfield should take notes—these disappearing farms are the greatest magic trick of all time. One minute you own a family farm; the next minute, it’s a state-owned ‘recreational green space’ with an empty organic food co-op that never stocks anything.

Taxing Tractors, Not Just Treads
The new inheritance tax is so steep that even the tractors are calling it quits. John Deere has reportedly filed for political asylum in Texas, and farmers are considering replacing their tractors with oxen—at least they don’t have to pay registration fees.

Family Farms: An Endangered Species
Move over, pandas. The real endangered species is the independent farmer. At this rate, schoolchildren will be taking field trips to The Museum of Former Agriculture, where animatronic farmers reenact the good old days of actually producing food.

Farmers’ New Cash Crop: Protests
Since producing food is no longer a sustainable business model, farmers have pivoted to the most profitable sector under socialism: government protests. It’s a simple formula—lose everything, march on the capital, get called “domestic extremists”, and maybe, just maybe, the government will hand you back a small piece of your land.

The Taxman’s Harvest
Forget corn, wheat, or barley. The biggest thing growing on farms these days is the tax bill. It sprouts faster than weeds, requires no water, and thrives in the warm, humid air of economic incompetence. Unlike traditional crops, however, it never leads to a bountiful harvest—just an auction notice.

From Farm to Table to Foreclosure
Once upon a time, the food on your plate came directly from a farm. Now, it makes a pit stop at the foreclosure office before ending up in a foreign import container, where it is then sold back to you at five times the price. Progress!

The New Cash Crop: Paperwork
Farmers used to spend their days in the fields; now, they spend them in government offices, filling out applications for grants that don’t exist, subsidies that disappeared, and permits to breathe near farmland. They’re not growing crops anymore—just a stack of rejected forms.

Taxing Times for Tractors
Tractors are officially on strike. After years of being taxed, regulated, and monitored, they’ve had enough. Reports indicate that self-driving tractors have begun rolling themselves into rivers to escape the tyranny of state ownership.

The Vanishing Farmer Act
The real magicians of our time aren’t illusionists; they’re farmers, because they’re disappearing faster than an ice cream cone at a climate summit. One day, they’re working the land; the next, they’re applying for an emergency grocery card because their industry no longer exists.

From Fields to Filing Cabinets
Farmers now spend more time with accountants than with their crops. It used to be that they worried about unpredictable weather; now they worry about fiscal policies that make weather disasters seem merciful by comparison.

The Great Agricultural Vanishing Act
With 140,000 farms disappearing, agriculture has officially joined the list of things that used to exist in the UK, right between affordable housing and common sense.

From Plows to Protests
Farmers are trading in their plows for protest signs, because growing food is no longer as profitable as being a loud, angry nuisance. Next up: Farmers demand universal basic potatoes since growing them is now technically illegal.

The Taxing Task of Tilling
Tilling the land used to be about sowing seeds and feeding a nation. Now, it’s about sowing tax forms and hoping the government lets you keep a small fraction of what you’ve worked for. If you’re lucky, they might even give you one fish and chip per month as a reward for your obedience.