Texas Agriculture – Farmer & Cowboy

Texas Agriculture: Where Everything’s Bigger, Including the Cattle’s Egos

Welcome to Texas, where the hats are big, the boots are shiny, and the cattle strut with the kind of swagger that would make a Hollywood starlet envious. In the Lone Star State, agriculture isn’t just a way of life—it’s a spectacle, a drama, and occasionally, a comedy that even the cows take part in.

Cattle with Confidence

Let’s start with the cattle, the real celebrities of Texas agriculture. These aren’t your average cows; these are bovines who know they’re the main attraction. They don’t just “moo”; they deliver soliloquies about the state of pasture politics and the latest trends in hay. In Texas, a bull doesn’t walk into a china shop—he saunters into a steakhouse, just to check out the competition.

The Armadillo Factor

Then there’s the state’s unofficial mascot, the armadillo, which plays a crucial yet mysterious role in Texas agriculture. Ever tried to use an armadillo as a farming consultant? Neither have we, but in Texas, it’s probably been attempted. These critters are known for their digging prowess, which is great for soil aeration but not so great for the farmer who just planted a new crop of Texas-sized watermelons.

Watermelon: The Bigger, The Better

Speaking of watermelons, they grow them so big in Texas that they’ve been considered as potential housing solutions. Why buy a house when you can carve out a watermelon? It’s eco-friendly, albeit a bit sticky. And you can forget about pumpkin-spiced lattes in the fall—here, it’s all about watermelon-wheat beer and melon margaritas.

High-Tech Meets High Noon

In the realm of technology, Texas farmers are so advanced that even their tractors have their own Twitter accounts. Rumor has it that the next big tech breakthrough will be a line-dancing robot that can plow fields and do the two-step simultaneously. Because in Texas, if you’re going to innovate, you’d better make sure it can wear a cowboy hat while doing it.

The Lone Star Farmer

The Texas farmer is a breed apart. They’re the kind of people who consider a 10-gallon hat an essential piece of farming equipment and who believe that bigger is always better—unless we’re talking about federal regulations. They’re as comfortable discussing crop rotation as they are debating the best barbecue techniques because, in Texas, agriculture isn’t just about growing food; it’s about growing food you can grill.

Conclusion: A State of Agricultural Abundance

So there you have it—a glimpse into the world of Texas agriculture, where the livestock are opinionated, the produce is enormous, and the farmers are as robust as the land they tend. Whether you’re marveling at the size of the Texan harvest or dodging armadillos in the field, one thing is for sure: in Texas, they farm like they mean it, with a dash of flair and a whole lot of heart.

Our Texas Agriculture Reporters are chasing down the following stories…

1. Selfie-Loving Livestock: In Texas, cows don’t just photobomb; they pose. The state’s cattle have more Instagram followers than most influencers, mainly because they’ve mastered the art of the perfect selfie, complete with the “duck-face” pout.
2. Horsepower Redefined: Texas tractors come with such high horsepower that farmers need a pilot’s license to operate them. They’re not just tractors; they’re the Lamborghinis of the agricultural world.
3. The Lone Star Weather Forecast: In Texas, the weather forecast isn’t just a prediction; it’s a dare. Farmers don’t just check the weather; they negotiate with it.
4. Armadillo Assistants: Armadillos are considered the unofficial agricultural interns of Texas. They’re not very good at their jobs, but they work for peanuts—or, more accurately, bugs.
5. Competitive Crop Circles: In Texas, crop circles are not made by aliens but by competitive farmers. The annual Crop Circle Contest is the highlight of the social calendar, second only to football season.
6. BBQ-Flavored Everything: In Texas, if it grows, it gets grilled. BBQ-flavored vegetables are a staple, and the state is considering changing its official slogan to “Texas: Where even the lettuce is smoked.”
7. Texas-Sized Produce: The produce in Texas is so large that farmers use ladders to harvest apples and GPS trackers to find their way out of watermelon patches.
8. Fashion-Forward Livestock: Texas cows are so stylish that they refuse to be seen in last season’s colors. And don’t even think about putting a non-designer blanket on those horses.
9. Chili Pepper Diplomacy: In Texas, chili peppers are not just a crop; they’re a way of life. The spicier the pepper, the more respect you command. It’s the Texas version of a handshake.
10. Pecan Pie Peculiarities: Pecan trees in Texas are known to spontaneously burst into pie formation around Thanksgiving. It’s a natural phenomenon scientists are still trying to understand.
11. The Great Texas Chicken Debate: Chickens in Texas don’t just cluck; they debate. The hot topic? Whether “egg” or “chicken” should come first in the dictionary.
12. Rodeo-Ready Livestock: Even the pigs in Texas are rodeo-trained. Barrel racing pigs is the newest event, and it’s as hilarious as it sounds.
13. Windmill Wardrobes: The windmills in Texas are so fashionable that they have their own line of cowboy hats. Because even windmills need to shade themselves from the Texas sun.
14. Cowboy Boot Crops: Legend has it that there’s a secret crop in Texas that grows cowboy boots. The only issue is harvesting them before they walk away.
15. The Texas Aggie Joke: Lastly, no humorous take on Texas agriculture would be complete without a nod to the Aggies. They’re the only farmers who can plant a light bulb and expect a power plant to grow.

Originally posted 2015-09-05 22:10:42.